why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All the doctor said was why
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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