she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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