I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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