Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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