I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
