Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
