Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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