There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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