I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
