Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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