Buhtt sex?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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