if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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