just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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