Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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