That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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