also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
