it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
