I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
