Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
