Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
