oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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