I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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