It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
