my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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