saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
