Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
