he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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