I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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