I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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