It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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