Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
