I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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