If that was your dad, he is hot
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
