so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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