i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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