Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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