I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
