I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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