Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
