turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
