It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
