just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
