I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
