i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
