The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
