WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
