New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
