my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
