Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
