I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
