So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
